The abuse happens moment by moment. Time may slow down or become blurred. Details may be highlighted or forgotten as you attempt to get through the moments when the unspeakable happens.
Healing also happens moment by moment. Facing the pain as it comes during recovery in the moment and living onto the next moment. Taking the day step by step, breath by breath as you attempt to make it through. Feeling the pain to the depths until you think you can’t take another moment. But the moments keep coming and you make the decision to feel it to the end.
The end of the pain does always come, never as quickly as you’d like, but it comes. The days become brighter and you decide once more to try. You try to see what more life holds. You try to see who you really are.
You find the strength you didn’t know you had inside. You find the beauty. You find your safety. You find your peace. You find your sanity. All these grow moment by moment. It may not last forever but you learn to cherish the brief moments as they occur.
Setting time limits helped me make it through the worst moments. I could feel the pain for an hour and then get up and live my life again. I could see my family for a couple of hours and then give myself permission to leave. I could let others see my beauty for five minutes and then hide it away again. No matter what I had to face, I knew there would be a limit to how long it would actually last.
My mind may try to tell me some state will last forever but I learned I don’t have to believe every negative thought that crosses my mind. I have the power to cut it off and replace it with a more positive, and realistic, version. I meet the next moment from a new perspective.